When you're chatting with someone online, is it rude to just come out and ask them if they have shitty teeth because they're not smiling in any of their pictures? Is it wrong to ask if they have a 'crazy eye' or are they just looking at the camera at a weird angle? And do they ever smile? Or did they actually think that those mug shot-like, pissed off, brooding pics were the best way to advertise what a stellar catch they are? And do they really think that neglecting to mention that you're a single father of 6 children that live with you full time but you have an amicable relationship with the mother won't be a potential deal-breaker? The latest fleeting interest explained that he did all of his internet bidding via his cell phone because one of his 6 offspring had spilled chocolate milk into the fan. Pass.

Cougar Talk

Our perception of ourselves apparently changes over time. We learn that a good push up bra and chicken cutlets coupled with the perfect shade of red lipstick are all we need when prowling for the perfect specimen. But eventually, time and gravity make themselves known, and we learn that the little tricks we thought were so, well tricky, have run their course. It's time to lay your cards out on the table, succumb to the Bali bra with 4 hooks your mother has been telling you to wear since, after all, you do take after your 48GG Aunt Esther, and put yourself out there. Indeed, being a single woman in your 40's and back on the market is a lot more difficult than I imagined it would be.

Although flattering, getting messages from 20-somethings asking if I'm interested in something hot and shallow only reminds me of sitting in a wading pool on my balcony in July. I've contemplated embracing my inner cougar, but somehow, as my kids get older, it just feels icky. I mean how sexy would be it if what I yell out mid-throe resembles more of 'I hope you brought clean underwear' rather than 'yes, yes, yes!' Conversely, men in their 40's have not only baggage, but most likely a garment bag and additional carry on. I'm not interested in being a step-mother or step-wife for that matter and I'm certainly not looking for the same in male form.

Which leads me to seek out the ever-popular never-been-married-have-no-offspring-that-I'm-aware-of man. My first question for these guys is why haven't you been married yet? To which they almost always reply, 'I haven't found the right woman,' or 'I was in a long-term relationship that just didn't lead to marriage.' And I'm not sure either of those is an acceptable answer for me. Which is where I'm at now. Looking for THAT guy. The one who has perhaps been married but didn't reproduce, so I don't have to deal with the kid issue. Or has been married and reproduced but has 'normal' kids who are least my kid's ages or older. (No toddlers, please. Mine were lucky I let them stay for as long as I did.) Or hasn't been married but is just such a stellar guy that it doesn't matter to me that he had a fear of commitment for 40+ years because I am the one he's been searching for.

For now, the journey continues. So I continue to go on umpteen virtual dates, web chat and troll dating sites more than I'd like to. For now.