Mid-life crisis or awakening?

I told my daughter last night that I had this gnawing urge to get a tattoo.  I don't know what it would be or where it would be placed.  But somehow, the idea of feeling a continuous dull pain all while something beautiful is being created describes very closely how I've been feeling.  She said a tattoo at my age screams mid-life crisis.  But isn't a crisis something we ought to learn from and push through?  Something that will make us better grown-ups?  Why does the word crisis have to be a negative thing?  Yes, it's sudden and something that engulfs us, blocking out all other reason and normalcy.  But we do come out the other end.  It's the journey that gets you through that dark place that is what we learn from, right?  The constant doubt I write with is just as prevalent in my words and actions.  I wake up feeling bright, hopeful and empowered. But somewhere when reality sets in, the dog needs to be walked, the kids need to be fed and the bills need to be paid, the cloud ceases it's hovering and sets itself right on top of my head, barely leaving me a sliver to see out from under.  Some days, I can push the cloud off, make it dissipate before even touching me.  But other days it's impossible to move and I eventually give in and break down, feeling alone, angry and inadequate.  Today, I don't really feel qualified to be a mother.

I remember being my kids ages and younger, looking at my parents as they floated along through life, tip toeing over fights and money problems, all of which were so engrained in me I never thought twice about them.  These are the things a relationship, a marriage, is made from.  These are the things I should expect to have in my own relationships.  These are the things I should aspire to.  Many couples feel that arguing over anything, especially money, should be kept from children's ears.  Why make them feel insecure and worry?  Why allow them to see into the looking glass of marriage, when most mirrors resemble mercury glass rather than a streak-free reflection?  Mine was a thoughtless combination of these, wherein I heard them fighting, yelling, slamming and driving away, but never with any explanation or acknowledgement of the outcome.  Is this how things are supposed to be?  Is one parent the dominant and the other submissive?  Are fights supposed to happen and then just dissolve and be forgotten?  And IS there a healthy way to argue?  How was I supposed to learn the art of marital sparring without a lesson?