When there's nothing to say, don't say 'k'.

Ever been in one of those moods where all you really want to do is have a screaming argument with someone?  I mean, just me yelling at them wouldn't be enough.  What I want is to push and push someone, preferably someone who is trying to help me, to the point that they're yelling back at me.  Yeah, that's where I am right now. And to make matters worse, I'm writing this with the hopes that someone, no LOTS of people will read it, that said lots of people will then click on ads so I can make some money.  Which is really where a lot of this anger is coming from.  But that's kind of a lie, because I'm angry about a lot of things, most of which I have absolute control over, yet I chose to do nothing.  And why to I chose to do nothing?  Because engrained in me, by no fault of my own, is this feeling that if I feel low enough, if I complain loud enough and cry long enough, someone will rescue me.  Someone with a big, fat checkbook who will scoop me up, hand me a cocktail, and maybe tell me how awesome I am.  But this time, it's not going to happen because all of those people, meaning my family or my ex, are all fucking broke now.
The 'mentors' that I was supposed to have, the people who in the past were there to catch me, have all fallen down.  And maybe it's for the best. Time will tell.

I know I'm alone because the last person I felt was on my side, that could actually be here to hold my hair back when I puked, to tuck me into bed, to give me a real hug, just said, 'k' to me after I vented.
THAT is how I know I'm all alone.