Cougar Talk

Our perception of ourselves apparently changes over time. We learn that a good push up bra and chicken cutlets coupled with the perfect shade of red lipstick are all we need when prowling for the perfect specimen. But eventually, time and gravity make themselves known, and we learn that the little tricks we thought were so, well tricky, have run their course. It's time to lay your cards out on the table, succumb to the Bali bra with 4 hooks your mother has been telling you to wear since, after all, you do take after your 48GG Aunt Esther, and put yourself out there. Indeed, being a single woman in your 40's and back on the market is a lot more difficult than I imagined it would be.

Although flattering, getting messages from 20-somethings asking if I'm interested in something hot and shallow only reminds me of sitting in a wading pool on my balcony in July. I've contemplated embracing my inner cougar, but somehow, as my kids get older, it just feels icky. I mean how sexy would be it if what I yell out mid-throe resembles more of 'I hope you brought clean underwear' rather than 'yes, yes, yes!' Conversely, men in their 40's have not only baggage, but most likely a garment bag and additional carry on. I'm not interested in being a step-mother or step-wife for that matter and I'm certainly not looking for the same in male form.

Which leads me to seek out the ever-popular never-been-married-have-no-offspring-that-I'm-aware-of man. My first question for these guys is why haven't you been married yet? To which they almost always reply, 'I haven't found the right woman,' or 'I was in a long-term relationship that just didn't lead to marriage.' And I'm not sure either of those is an acceptable answer for me. Which is where I'm at now. Looking for THAT guy. The one who has perhaps been married but didn't reproduce, so I don't have to deal with the kid issue. Or has been married and reproduced but has 'normal' kids who are least my kid's ages or older. (No toddlers, please. Mine were lucky I let them stay for as long as I did.) Or hasn't been married but is just such a stellar guy that it doesn't matter to me that he had a fear of commitment for 40+ years because I am the one he's been searching for.

For now, the journey continues. So I continue to go on umpteen virtual dates, web chat and troll dating sites more than I'd like to. For now.